Ok, this is starting off as a sort of ramble, something not quite fleshed out in my head yet but I’m sure it will make sense at the end of the day.
Sometimes, things happen and questions are raised – Why did it happen? Why did you do it? Why did you allow it? How could you let it fly? And then we cap it by saying “Had i been in your shoes, i would have …” These words slip through our lips as effortlessly as water through a basket.
A recent occurrence to people close to me got me thinking. How easy it is to assume that a line of action should have been taken and how a more matured approach should have been adopted.
Both sides in the said argument had their valid points and yes, one more than the other, then yes again I had/have my thoughts on the matter, which when summed up amounts to – the aggrieved party should have been more matured in addressing the issue (YES! I have gone and done exactly what I am writing about, but hey! I’m human too)
Back to the matter – I know the whole story (sorry I can’t share) but I found that until I had time to digest, literally put myself in her position and weigh it, I couldn’t really relate to how she felt or “judge” her reaction. Prior to my “digestive process”, I had already listed a zillion and one things I would have done differently to achieve a different, better and less messy outcome.
Then I thought – Who says my idea is the better one? Who says if I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t have done the same (or worse) even though the dictates of reason would tell me otherwise? Why did I assume that separate from the occurrence , I can say this is how I would react, were I in it? How did I just assume that in the face of a real life-balance threatening crisis, reason would prevail? Why do I just assume? Why do you assume? Why are we all so assumptive?
In the end, I vowed (no, decided – vow is a rather strong word) to internalize before taking a stand and even in taking a stand, bear in mind that I am a mere observer, not an active participant and give the active ones some leeway, not comment sanctimoniously(for lack of a better word). That I at that point, try to understand that they are doing the best they can, in a foreign situation, thinking not just with their heads but with their emotions; with the latter most probably taking the lead because in the end we are all human.
If the shoes ain’t on you, you can’t assume how much it hurts.